Every minute a baby is born, and every minute somebody dies. I always see it on tv or read or heard somewhere that a person died. But these past 1 and a half years death has entered into our family. Last August 9, 2008 my grandmother(my father’s mother) died. Two weeks later, a week after my grandmother was buried, my grandfather died(my mother’s father). And now my cousin’s one day old baby boy died.
I know that death would really come in every person’s life. But it never really sink in to me until this past years, until 3 of our family members has already went home to God.
I know it is sad, but it is God’s will. We can’t do anything about it but pray that there souls will rest in peace and to accept that we will no longer see them. I just hope that the people that are very close to them like my late grandmother’s husband, my late grandfather’s wife and my nephew’s mother will really accept it whole heartedly.
For my nephew, I know that it is really unfair for him to past away without even seeing the beauty of the world. But I know God has a plan why He took him right away.
Lord, I know I have no right to take away the life that you have given to me. That is the reason why everyday, even thought I know that I will be hurt again by the people that surrounds me and I will also hurt them, I wake up and continue to live my life. But Lord, it’s really painful and it is not easy to live a life like this. It’s not easy to just paint a smiling face even though I’m sad. But I won’t ask you to take away the life you gave me now if that’s not in your plan, nor ask you to lessen the burden that I am carrying. All I want is for you to be on my side Lord, to catch me when I fall and when I stumble and urge me to stand up and continue to live and fight.
Lord, I know I have never been a faithful child to you. Forgive me Lord. Forgive me. Forgive me for having a sinful mind. Forgive me for having a sinful eyes. Forgive me for having a sinful mouth. Forgive me for having a sinful ears. Forgive me for having a sinful hands. And most especially forgive me for having a sinful heart. I won’t deny Lord that I did not meant to do the things that I have done to cause you pain and heartache. I know I did. I know that in doing those things I will hurt you, that you will be sad, but still I did it anyway. I followed my will, and not yours. But Lord from the bottom of my heart forgive me. I repent. Forgive me oh Lord. Take me back into your arms again. Reside again in my heart and be my master again.
Lord, teach me how to love like you. Teach me how to be so forgiving like you. Teach me how to be so trusting like you. Teach me to be an understanding person, to be an open minded one and to not think of negative things that a person will do and and has done to me. Teach me how to be like the person you want me to be. Mold me oh Lord and guide me towards the path you want me to go.
Lord, it seems that for this two days, I have always been crying hoping that the pain in my heart will subside. But it never did. It’s still in my heart. No matter what I do to make it go away, no matter how I cry to ease the pain, it still keeps coming back. I know I should forgive the person who caused the pain to make it go away. But how Lord? How can I forgive the person if he keeps on hurting me? Should I keep away from that person? Will that help Lord or not?
Thank you Lord for listening to me. Until then. I love you always.