Category Archives: Rantings

the decision

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when i was still in college, working outside the Philippines was one of my option. well, it was in fact one of my goal. but died down along the way after meeting a special person back then. all i wanted was just to stay in the Philippines, work there and have my own family. years have passed and the then boyfriend and i broke-up. heartaches, frustrations, depressions and loneliness led me to decide to try my luck somewhere else. until one day a former officemate of mine posted on her ym status that their company is looking for a software developer. i asked her what are the qualifications, I was reluctant to apply when she told me that the developer should know java and c++. well, i am quite familliar with those programming languages but i am not really keen in using them because i am a .net programmer. but i still gave her my resume and prayed to the Lord that if the position is for me, i hope that everything will go smoothly. to make the story short, i got the job and is already working in Singapore.

whatever God’s reason for sending me here, i just hope that i’ll soon know about it.

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like a roller coaster ride

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when i went to singapore last 2010, me, my sister and a friend rode a roller coaster in universal studio singapore.  it was just a small roller coaster.  it was for kids but i was really afraid during the entire ride.  i kept on laughing just to hide the fear that i was feeling during that time.  if people could hear what my mind and heart were shouting, people would really hear them yelling “stop this ride…stop this ride…please…”.  hehehe!  right now, it seems that i am back to that very moment.  the feeling that i am feeling right now is so the same.  nervous, afraid and excited.  oh God!  please… please… please… hear my prayers.

the dream

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this is the third time that i have dreamt that dream. it might not be in the same place but it involves with the same person and the outcome is the same. the dream is not really a bad dream but everytime i wake up from that dream, it gives me that false hope, that longing. i wonder. why on earth i keep on dreaming about that? is it because, prior to those nights that i dreamt it, me and a friend were talking about that person? they said that dreams are the opposite of what will happen in the future. so does it mean that broken friendship will never be fixed again?

Invisible Girl

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The last time I checked myself in the mirror, I am certainly sure I am not invisible.  But why is it that people doesn’t seem to see me or notice me when I’m around.  I’m not saying that I want their attention.  All I’m saying is that, when I talk, please do listen to me.  It really hurts when I talk and nobody listens or want to hear the ideas that I want to partake.  It hurts when people just walk in front of you as if your not there.  The worst part? They sometimes step on your foot or bump on you and not asking for sorry.

I’m not asking for you to remember me or what.  All I want is for you to consider to hear my voice when I talk and to not just step on me as if I am not human or I don’t have the right to be there.  :((

Filling that Emptiness

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Loneliness by Laura Pausini

I don’t even know if he still thinks of me
Once he got on board that unforgiving train
I imagine that he whiled away the time
Through the cold gray morning and the city rain

Thinking of somebody else who’ll run to him
Who’ll ask him did you miss me, maybe now and then
Laughing he’ll say well he met this funny girl
But just a summer think he won’t see her again

Oh God I hope I’m wrong
But I’m not feeling very strong
I’ve been so up and down so sad
So happy, feeling good and bad
I’m young I’m old I laugh I cry

I tell the truth but that’s a lie
I’ve been so in and out so wild
So well behaved so pure defiled oh solitudine
That word I hate to say

And no I was not crazy to do what we did
I even wish I’d been a bit more crazy still
And kept a little more of him to see me through
He loved me all he could I never had my fill

And then I’m back inside my room he knows so well
I feel again the way he moved I take it slow
I talk to him and he becomes a part of me
And then I know he’ll never let the summer go

Oh God I hope I’m right

I won’t give in without a fight
And I can take the words they throw
At me for none of them could know

That we had something very few
Will ever find their whole life through
I wouldn’t change a single day
Although the price I have to pay is solitudine

The loneliness is tearing me apart
It tears me up it pull me down and then
It wraps around my heart oh solitudine
Does he remember all he said to me
I’ve been so up and down so sad
So happy feeling good and bad

I’m young I’m old I laugh I cry
I tell the truth but that’s a lie
I’ve been so in and out so wild
So well behaved so pure defiled oh solitudine

Does he remember all he said to me
And I can take the words they throw
At me for none of them could know

That we had something very few
Will ever find their whole life through
I wouldn’t change single day
Although the price I have to pay is solitudine



Ikaw, Kanino ka Bumabangon?

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For the past weeks or maybe past months and up until now, waking up every morning to go to work is really hard for me.  Is it my job?  Or is it just me?

Then I asked myself, who is my reason or what are my reasons in waking up everyday and strive hard?  And when I enumerate the people who inspires me and the reason why I work hard, why is it that I still am having a hard time waking up every morning to go to work?

Haist!  Hope I could really find that reason.

Missing My High School Days

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I was reading Bedroom blog by Veronica in cosmo.ph, and she narrated her high school days on her blog.  I then beginning to reminisce those days when I was still in high school.  But sad to say, yes there were also happy moments but most of them were sad and painful.

I can still remember I was one of the few students who were being bullied by those girls who have their own clique and were popular.  They would give me a mean look everytime I don’t succumb to their every wish to make them copy my assignments or during exams.  I was also one of those girls who only have little friends because I was not cool enough to be in a group.  Yes I admit it, I was a nerd back then up until now.  I won’t deny it.  Because that’s who I am.

I had also had a few friends back in high school.  But unlike the others, whom they still communicate until now.  The connection with those so called friends that I had just cut-off right after graduation day.  I don’t know if I was at fault or the universe just doesn’t want me to have a normal teenage life.

I was always inside the library or inside the classroom reading a book during lunch time while the others were making chikka and playing outside.  After class, I always go straight home just like my parents asked me to do.  I wonder, if I spent those lunch times and after class hours making friends with my classmates and schoolmates, would I have earned more friends and have gotten a true friend?

I think not.  People usually are having a hard time entering my world.  And sometimes I am also having a hard time to relate to other people.  So far, I can only count those people that I considered my true friend, just like how easy I can count the fingers on my hands. 

Ligid Ligid…

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I really hate myself.  You know why?  I just wasted two days of my life doing nothing(just fb-ing,watching tv, eating and sleeping) all day long.  I really hate it.  Instead of doing stuffs that are productive, I just goofed around the house.  Haist.  I hope that next weekend, I won’t do the same mistake again.