Category Archives: Uncategorized

a mother’s heartbreak

Standard

my dearest baby bear,

when i first found out that i was pregnant with you, i was so happy. i told your papa that i didn’t mind that i’ll look big on the pictures again on our church wedding, as long as you will be healthy. i was so eager for my second visit with my doctor so that i could hear your heartbeat and see you for the first time. but that day didn’t come.

november 17, 2017, i went to the emergency room of a hospital cause i was experiencing some spottings and blood clots. at around 12noon, the doctor told me that you have no heartbeat, as shown on the ultrasound and that you might be dead. i cried so hard upon hearing the news. it broke my heart, cause i prayed for you. i prayed that the Lord will bless me and your papa another angel. i went to my doctor’s clinic hoping that she would tell me the other way. indeen, she gave me a little hope that you might still be alive but a little too small thus, the other doctor did not see and hear your heartbeat. i went back home afraid but hopeful.

november 19, at around 4pm, the bleeding was even stronger. i prayed and prayed, hoping that you are okay but deep inside i know there is already something wrong. at 11pm, i began to feel some abdominal cramps and the bleeding was even more stronger. i called your lola at around 12am for them to fetch me and bring me to the hospital. despite of the medicine that they have given to me, you did not come out. it seems, you didn’t want to give-up.

my baby bear, know that even if you are not here with us, you are loved. you have left a big hole in my heart. goodbye my baby bear. i love you.

love,
mama

Advertisements

Bintan, Indonesia

Standard

one of the destinations that i have been wanting to cross out on my list was bintan,indonesia. it is just a 45-minute travel from singapore but i can’t seem to have the courage to go there on my own. plus, most of the travel package that are offered on the different travel agencies that i find, are a minimum of two to go. so travelling alone isn’t really an option. when my boyfriend invited me to go, i still had some qualms in going there. this time, it was more on the financial aspect. 😦

but despite the hesitations, i still looked for some cheap hotel with ferry packages to bintan. thus, i came accross the website of holiday city. i booked the one that they were offering for just s$274. the package already includes the following:

(a) Stay at Nirwana Beach Club Bintan with breakfast and welcome drink;
(b) Return Economy Class Ferry Tickets departing from Singapore, Tanah Merah Ferry Terminal (TMFT): SIN – BIN – SIN;
(c) Return land transfer: Pier – Resort – Pier
(d) SGD23.40 per person for Tanah Merah Ferry Terminal passenger levy, Bintan Terminal passenger levy, Baggage Handling Charge, Fuel Surcharge, Security Tax and Bintan Departure Tax.

it was indeed an offer that i can’t resist. unlike the other packages that i saw in groupon and other site, the one in holiday city doesn’t have hidden charges. yey to that. hehehe.

Below are the activities that we did and the expenses that we had during the trip.

Activities/Expenses Amount(SGD)
Hotel Plus Ferry 273
Lunch at La Luna Restaurant 45
Kayaking 14
Dinner at Nirwana Resort Restaurant 54
Refreshments at La Luna Restaurant 17
Refreshments at Mayang Sari Beach Resort 17
Lunch at La Luna Restaurant 27
Total 447

Not bad right?  A weekend in Bintan, Indonesia will just cost you 200-250SGD per person.  Sigaporean Dollar and Indonesian Rupiah are the two currencies that you can use there.  By the way, if you don’t want to spend too much on food, you can go to Pasar Ole-Ole, instead of dining in the restaurants inside the resort.  I’ve read that the food there are more cheaper.  As much as I wanted, we did not go there though. 😦

image
our cabin…it has a veranda outside where you can hangout at night. but be sure to bring an insect repellent if you don’t like the mosquitoes to feast on you…

image
there are several water sports that you can try in the resort…one of these is kayaking…they also have zipline…

image
chasing sunset…sunset in bintan is superb…

image
aside from the beach, bintan beach resort also has a swimming pool…

be careful what you wish for…

Standard

waaaaaaahhhh! i know what i said yesterday. that i want somebody to surprise me(the good surprise). but when it already happened to me, i was shocked, embarrassed by the attention that the people is giving. the cheers, the kantiyaw, i thought i was ready for it. i thought i can handle it. but i was wrong. hehehe! when our hr manager came to my table and gave me a bouquet of flower, i really didn’t know how to react. i kept on asking, “unsa ni? unsa ni?” hahaha! my hands were trembling while i was trying to get the card that came along with the flowers. if i can watch myself during that time, i would really say, i look funny. hehehe! i was having the hard time getting the card. lols! after getting the card, and knew who it was from, i was having a hard time, hiding my emotions, my being kilig, the smile on my face. hehehe! i put down the card and the flower on my table, beside my monitor and tried my very best to concentrate on my work. lols! i thought it was over. but i was wrong. during lunch, he gave me one pink long stem rose. waaaaaahhhhh! i was happy. don’t get me wrong. but i was a bit shy because there were a lot of people when he gave me the rose. hehehe! i’m not used to this kind of attention anymore. i’m not used to this romantic gestures. but i am grateful. thank you for letting me feel the kilig feeling again. hehehe! happy valentine’s day.

is it a contest?

Standard

are you already married?
when are you getting married?
do you have a boyfriend?

those are the three questions that are frequently being asked to me nowadays.  and it really annoys me.  seriously people, is getting knocked up and to get hooked a contest?  and is it the only way a person be happy?  i don’t really think so.  i know a few people who aren’t happy in their married life.  people who decided to get married as if it were a contest and in the end they regret it.  so please, don’t give me that weird or pity or whatever that look means just because i chose to be single for now.

collections

Standard

paperdolls2

i suddenly remember those times when i was still a little kid wherein i religiously collect those cute and scented stationery and paper dolls.  whenever i go to school, instead of just bringing my school stuffs, i would also bring my folder which contains my collection of stationery.  my classmates(girls) and i will then show our stationery to each other.  if we see something that we like, we will exchange it with another stationery from our collection.  nowadays, i can’t seem to find cute and scented stationery being sold.  there are still stationery but they are just those plain ones.  i can’t also seem to find any kid playing paper dolls anymore.  the kids nowadays no longer interested to those simple toys.  they don’t even want to play outside anymore.  the kids now are so boring and spoiled.  sigh!

503177481_330

 

The Year that Was: 2012

Standard

A day has already passed since we bid goodbye to 2012.  Looking back to all the things that happened to me, there would be two words that I can describe to that year, tough and happy.  For the first six months of 2012, life has been so tough but there were still happy moments.  I have lost a dear friend(showbiz! friend daw…hehehe!) but also met a few.  I have also became more closer to some old friends.  I bid goodbye to the company where I worked for almost four years and started working in TSTP.  When I resigned in Alliance, it was really tough for me because I have to budget my money for several months but still I survived.  I said hello to my new ipod touch, twas my early birthday gift for myself and said my goodbye to my 2year old E63 phone.  Despite my financial struggles for the first few months of the year, I was able to crossed out a few items on my long term goals.  There were so many times that I have tripped during that year but decided to stand up and continue to walk forward and force myself to put a smile on my face.  Because I know, God will always be by my side and I know He has great plans for me.  I know that whatever difficulties I might come across in life, I will surely surpass all of it.  For He won’t give me any problems that I can’t endure.

I reread the goals that I have wrote last year and assessed all the things I’ve done if I’ve passed or failed.

  •     Have more time to exercise – Failed (though, I tried enrolling on a gym but I only went there for a month.)
  •     Love myself more – Passed (Kailangan paba ning ipangutana?  hehehe!)
  •     Have more time with my girlfriends – Passed (been hanging with my friends almost every Wednesday and Saturdays.  Travelled in Palawan with my bestfriend.  Organized some trips and events together with the jogurls.)
  •     Eat healthy – Failed (lami kaayo ikaon.  hehehe!  blame it to all the stores here in it park.)
  •     Shop less – Super Failed (I think, for the last six months of 2012, I’ve been shopping for clothes and shoes almost every week/payday.)
  •     Travel more – Passed (Even though I did not push through in going to Baguoi, I travelled to Palawan.  Climbed Osmena Peak and Mt. Talinis.  Did some small trips together with my cousins and the jogurls here in Cebu.)
  •     Read more – Passed (Finished the Hunger Games Series, Fifty Shades of Grey Series, Wildflowers Series, Slammed and The Perks of Being a Wallflower.)
  •     Update blog more often – Super Passed (No need to explain.)
  •     Speak up what is on my mind – Failed (I still am having a hard time saying what I really feel because I’m afraid to hurt somebody and myself.)
  •     Save money more – Failed – (I managed to save some money but I also spent them for my travels, shopping spree and for my house.)
  •     Don’t think too much negative thoughts, be happy always – Passed (although there were times that I have been crying my eyes out, it was because of some sad circumstances but after those events, I moved on and chose to be happy and put a smile on my face.)
  •     Have courage to say sorry to those people who I think I’ve hurt – Failed (Although I say sorry to those people that I have hurt, but I failed to reach out and ask for forgiveness to those people that I know who doesn’t want to forgive me and chose to hate me and live to the past and doesn’t want to move on.)
  •     Be more mindful of what I say and do – Passed (I failed in one of my goals to speak up what is on my mind because I am afraid to hurt someone so I passed this one.  hehehe!)
  •     Be firm for what I believe in – Passed (naka resign nako sa alliance and I got out from a relationship that stresses me out.)
  •     I won’t let other people put me down – Failed (Because I don’t say what is on my mind, it makes me upset.)

Saying thank you as often as I could – Passed

For the year 2013, I will make sure to pass all the things that I failed to do last year and crossed out more items on my long term goals.  I am also planning to spend more time with my family(more than what I did last year).  The lessons that I have learned in 2012, will surely be remembered.  I have to learn to not easily trust a person and in this year.  I have decided to say goodbye to a few people which I thought were my friends and can be trusted.  2013, I am ready for you and I decide to stay happy and strong so bring it on.

all alone

Standard

sitting all alone here,
watching the other people
eating and talking with each other
almost all of them is with someone
in times like this questions pop into my mind
is my soulmate somewhere out there?
is he also eating all alone just like me?
or is he with someone else?
that’s why i’m alone here.
that’s why we haven’t met yet.
sitting all alone here
watching the people who passes by
makes me wish for me to meet my soulmate soon

note:  wrote this while i was in mcdonald’s earlier eating fries and sundae all alone.